After the divorce, my husband left our dog behind. Now he’s returned with outrageous demands.

Care and Feeding is Slate’s parenting advice column that offers guidance and support to parents facing challenging situations. In a recent letter to the column, a reader shared a heart-wrenching dilemma about their aging dog and the complexities of shared custody with an ex-spouse. The reader, who got a divorce five years ago, is now faced with the difficult decision of euthanizing their beloved pet. However, the ex-spouse, who has been absent except for brief visits, is demanding to be present for the dog’s final moments.

The reader, understandably grieving and exhausted, is torn between honoring their bond with the dog and navigating the demands of the court judgment. The ex-spouse’s insistence on being present during the euthanasia process has added another layer of stress to an already emotional situation. The reader is unsure of how to handle the ex-spouse’s demands while prioritizing their own and the dog’s well-being.

In response to the reader’s letter, the advice offered by Care and Feeding columnist emphasizes the complexity of grief and the importance of allowing space for different expressions of love and support. While the reader may feel that the ex-spouse’s presence would be disruptive and distressing, it is also suggested that considering the ex-spouse’s desire to be there could be an act of grace and compassion.

The columnist encourages the reader to find a compromise that respects both their own needs and the ex-spouse’s wishes. One suggestion is to allow the ex-spouse to have a private goodbye with the dog before stepping back to let the reader be present during the final moments. This approach acknowledges the ex-spouse’s connection to the dog while prioritizing the reader’s emotional well-being.

The advice provided highlights the complexities of navigating shared custody of a pet, especially in the context of end-of-life decisions. It underscores the importance of communication, empathy, and finding a balance between honoring personal boundaries and accommodating the needs of others during times of grief.

Overall, the response to the reader’s letter offers a thoughtful and compassionate perspective on a challenging situation, providing guidance on how to navigate difficult decisions with grace and understanding. It serves as a reminder of the complexities of relationships, both with pets and with ex-partners, and the importance of finding ways to navigate these complexities with empathy and compassion.