Parents are faced with difficult decisions on a daily basis, relying on instinct and their best judgment to come up with workable solutions. One mom found herself staring down a moral quagmire, unsure of what move to make next, so she asked the r/parenting subReddit for wisdom and guidance.
The mom shared in her Reddit post that she has a 6-year-old daughter, a 2-year-old son, and a 2-month-old boy. “Needless to say, I’m exhausted,” she explained before launching into her tale of woe. “Cleaning the fish tank was on my to-do list, and I don’t like to put that off among the other chores because taking care of animals is important,” she wrote. “I brought his tank out to the kitchen to clean and replace the water.”
When she went to dump the fish back into the tank from the temporary cup she put him in, she accidentally dropped him down the garbage disposal. Despite her fear of sticking her hand into the disposal, she reached down to try and save the fish, but unfortunately, he did not survive.
In a panic, the mom called her own mom for help. In true grandma fashion, she came to the rescue with a brilliant plan. She told the mom to put the tank out of reach and sight, and she arrived an hour later with a new fish from the pet store. The grandma distracted the kids while the mom put the decoy fish into the tank, slightly smaller but looking just like the original fish.
Before leaving, the grandma pulled the mom in for a hug and whispered, “I had to do this for you too. You never suspected a thing. Welcome to motherhood.” The mom had reached a milestone in her parenting journey, telling a harmless lie to spare her child any trauma related to the loss of her pet fish.
The mom was racked with guilt and turned to Redditors for advice on what to do if her daughter noticed the switch. Most of the comments came from parents who had been through similar experiences and reassured her that their kids were okay in the end.
Psychologist Dr. Eileen Kennedy-Moore, Ph.D., explained that children under the age of 9 have difficulty understanding the permanency of death. When the time comes for the conversation, it is important to be honest and open with children about the concept of death.
In the end, the mom learned that parents don’t always have the right answers, but when they lead with love, they will almost always end up in the right place. The mom’s love for her daughter was evident in the lengths she went to spare her any unnecessary pain.
Someday, when her daughter is older, the mom can share the story of how her grandma saved the day with a decoy fish, and they can laugh about the hilarious plan that was hatched to replace her pet fish. The love and care shown in this situation will be remembered and cherished for years to come.
